I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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