i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
