i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
