ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
