So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
