my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Michael Bay diarrhea
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize