i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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