and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
