My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
