this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
