Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
