the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
