I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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