you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize