hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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