I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
