I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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