yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am midnight drunk by noon
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I love you.
Bad choice
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
