I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
