so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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