so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
