The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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