hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
