My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
