I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
