i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
