if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
