I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
