your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize