i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
