i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
