I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
