if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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