Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
