I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
