if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
