I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
