So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
