I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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