Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
