did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize