i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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