I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you didnt know i had herpes?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pants are for mortals
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
