There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
