Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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