I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
