I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
