I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize