Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
