the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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