A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
