I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
