I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
