i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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