Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
