I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
