I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
