when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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