So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
