Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to stop coming to work sober
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
