what day is it and did you see me today?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
