I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
