Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
