She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
