She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
