I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
