it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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