im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
