He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
