Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
