just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
