I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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