What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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