I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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