i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
